This blog follows Melanie Stoll’s missionary trek on The World Race. She is the daughter of Wade and Rosetta Stoll, who own Stoll’s Taxidermy and The Wild Whisk in Wheatland.
This is the 15th installment printed in the Record-Times. Read Stoll’s entire blog and see photos at melaniestoll.theworldrace.org.
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June 1 — I’m Still a Little Awkward
With home looming in the future and getting closer everyday, I can’t help but start to think about it a lot.
Part of me is really excited to get back! I’m excited to see all my family and friends again, to take what I’ve learned on the Race and apply it to every day life, to work in a job I’m passionate about, to make an impact and influence the people that I’ve known for years and hold close to my heart.
The other part of me is nervous... intimidated... or maybe just flat out scared.
A great person who I have the privilege to call friend, also called Averi, recently wrote a blog that sums up my feelings quite well.
“I have a fear that I am going to let you all down. Maybe you thought I was going to come back “holier” maybe you thought I would be more of the same as when I left. Whatever you hoped I would be I hope the person I really am doesn’t disappoint you. Before I come back I want you to know who I think I am, and hopefully you can be proud of that and not what you might expect me to be.
Through the past eight months I have realized that a lot of my time on the race hasn’t really changed a lot of who I am outwardly, but changing a lot of who I am on the inside. The Lord has broken me down more times on the race to humble me, mold me, and change me for the better. I am learning how to be more confident because the Lord has made me to be bold and willing to do the uncomfortable. I see people because I asked for him to break my heart for what breaks his, and in order to do that I have to walk with my head up looking at people instead of watching where I walk. I say hi to random shop owners and start conversations with people I don’t know. I recognize when I am wrong and choose not to argue when I know I am right. I know that it is better to be quiet then start an argument that isn’t really worth the fight. I have learned how to love the bible and read it because I want to not because I have to. I’ve learned how to have conversations with the Lord and not just talk but also listen. I have learned that my opinion and voice is important, and there is a better way to speak to people then to raise my voice. I have learned to love the unlovable and see the broken. I have thought a lot about how I can love better at home and how to show that I care. I want to be more engaged with others and more dependable.
I may not look or act holier, but I have changed.
I have the fear of disappointing any of you, but I believe that the Lord has made me to be who I am suppose to be at this point in my life, and I hope that makes all of you proud.”
I’m by no means perfect and never will be. I’m still funny, kinda awkward, and maybe there’s a little sass. I’m human. “Same same, but different.”
I hope that when you see me, you see the change in me and accept me for who I have become but give me grace when I fall and continue to love me in my mistakes.